i am emily.

"Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.” - Henry David Thoreau

I copied this quotation from a tumblr thread that I spent two hours reading last Saturday morning.

Tonight I watched "i am sam" while I knitted what is sure to be a magnificent creation.

And then I thought, I need to blog.

So here I am, trying to join two seemingly disjointed thoughts into a coherent post. This is the post where I once again explain the beauty that comes in uniqueness. For the past few days, I've decided to slink back in my shell. I've started apologizing for things I should never be ashamed of. I've decided that being me isn't good enough, and I've tried to decide exactly what portion I want to portray in order to get people to like a particular version of myself.

Tonight I had a phone conversation with my sister in which I explained this particular dilemma. I told her that I cannot believe that people would want to be my friend. I am never surprised when people I care about decide not to care about me, because I don't necessarily deem myself "worthy" of their love.

When she questioned my self-esteem, I assured her that I love myself so unconditionally that some might find it annoying. I think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I probably won't believe it if you think so, too.

It's an interesting paradox, and I'm not quite sure I can explain the way I feel about my professed unworthiness.

I just know that, like Sam Dawson, I am extraordinarily unique, and no one can do Emily quite like me. So, I'll continue to do just that, and maybe someday someone will understand the intensity, loyalty, and love that I have.

I think that's a wonderful choice.