All the Single Ladies

To All the Single Girls. And Yes, That Includes Me:

Each day I wake up and wonder what sorts of cultural and societal influences will bombard me, trying to make me feel like crap before I have a chance to put up my guard. Today is not one of those days, though, and I feel like I can take on anything, be it screaming children, obnoxious undergrads, or nauseating couples trying to flirt with one another. I think that while I'm feeling so empowered, I must share some of my wisdom with the world.

Please, please, please stop looking for guys everywhere. Yes, they are everywhere, but no, that does not mean that any one of them is your future "someone." Your appeals for the perfect guy are going unheard, and the sooner you realize he doesn't exist, the better off we will all be. If I've come to know anything in the past four months, it is that no guy is perfect, and neither am I.

Happiness does not lie in some unrequited love, contrary to all popular love songs (especially those by this girl). I respect anyone with a decent talent for writing lyrics, but those lyrics usually mean more to the writer than to anyone listening. Even if they do describe your life perfectly, know that it is probably a fluke, and that your life is no more a fairytale than mine or Sylvia Plath's. The sooner you know this, the more time you'll have to fully appreciate writing your own happy ending, not something cliche but something great.

Now here comes my snarky side. I'm sick to death of hearing 20-year-old (or 19... or 27, for that matter) children complain about not having someone to love. You know what I found? That someone to love stares back at me each time I look in the mirror. She's been there for 23 years, and she'll be there a whole lot longer than any fling. The sooner you get comfortable in your own skin, the more you'll appreciate how this world was not made for couples any more than it was made for creatures without opposable thumbs. God made all of it for all of His children, not just the ones with a ring on their left-hand finger. Loving myself has become the key to solving almost all of my problems; no matter what the beauty magazines or my Utah "culture" says about my divine worth, I know that I am better than a number on a scale, an age on a wedding video, or the number of carats in a diamond ring. I don't know how to make others believe that, too, but the sooner we realize that it doesn't take anyone but ourselves to make us happy, we'll all breathe a little easier.

There you have it. For once, this is a principle whose success I have definitely measured in my life. No amount of money or fame can bring me ultimate happiness. Not even a grand vacation can be the final marker of my worth in this world. It is the love I have for myself and the love I have for others that really truly matters, and I want all of you to know that, too.

The End.