A Deliberate Decision

I'm vowing here and now to be the most normal girl I can be about this whole situation. I vow to let emotion carry my heart where it may, while allowing my head to keep me sane. I promise not to cry or rant, especially on the blog, even if I don't know what's going to happen next. I know that these commitments will help me to see the beauty of friendship, understanding, and companionship without becoming needy, dramatic, or fickle.

How does that sound?

Is it weird to wake up one day and finally appreciate the birds chirping outside my bedroom window? I love the silence of winter, but I love the returning songs of spring even more. I also love the way the sun actually shines, illuminating the snow-covered mountains surrounding Cache Valley. I don't think that these emotions are related solely to the change of the seasons, even though I'm so ready to be done with the longest winter months of my life. With all of the hopelessness I felt over the past few months, I know that the next adventures of my life are right on the horizon. I'm ready to see what's next, and I'm learning to appreciate the idea that things really can be better than I imagined them. It's all about perspective, I guess. I'm making the decision now to be better than I was yesterday - and better still tomorrow - because I know that the sun rises anew each day, and so can I.

Not So Good

It seems I'm always discovering something I'm not very good at doing, and while most of these shortcomings don't bother me, there are some things that I really wish I could do better.

1) Flirting. How to do it, how to not be awkward while doing it, and how to gauge whether or not someone else is flirting with me; these are all things way beyond my grasp.

2) Realizing that I can't change others. I think I'm relatively good at acknowledging the differences in those around me, but that doesn't stop the fact that I'd like to change little things to make people a little more suitable to my life, my tastes, or my goals.

3) Remembering the details. I used to be so good at this, but I think my memory is starting to fail me. I can't remember so many of the seemingly crucial moments in my life, and it makes me sad to know that I won't be able to replay these events.

4) All the other stuff, including spirituality, physicality, and intellect. I think that these can all be lumped together, though, because it's generally acknowledged that I'll never be as spiritual, athletic, or intelligent as I'd like to be. I'll just keep working toward it, though.

What things do you wish you were better at doing?

Let's All Do the Hop

Crutches aren't my friend. I don't relish the idea of hobbling through the (still) icy streets of Logan, but I'm ready to prove myself as I get back on my feet. After a quicky surgery on my foot this morning, I'm officially a one-footed wonder. (Note: I still have both feet, but only one is fully functioning. The other remains propped, iced, and casted in a lovely black boot.) It's amazing how my range of motion increases and decreases with my limited mobility. I find myself reaching farther and twisting awkwardly in order to avoid hopping. Maybe I'm just lazy, but I'm finding that the hop isn't my choice form of movement. I'll do anything to stay off the crutches; I've even resorted to asking my parents for help. What 23 year old does that? I thrive on the idea of independence (minus car insurance, gasoline, and a gallon of milk here or there), so hollering for a glass of water, pain medication, pillows, etc, is not really my idea of pampering. I feel pampered when I can shower and dress myself (which I'm still able to do, luckily). I feel independent in being able to drive my car without my mom freaking out about the clutch. It's only been 12 hours with the crutches and crippledom, but I'm really excited to rediscover my independence and all that comes along with it.

It's All a Facade

I know I come off as totally put together. Ha. What a joke. I'm beginning to see what a good actor I really am, especially if I've fooled you all into thinking that I know what I'm doing. I believe that RuPaul said it best when he described all of us as donning some sort of costume in order to make others believe something about us. Here's mine: a girl who wakes up at a decent hour in order to get a head start on the day. I take time to read, write, and expand my political viewpoints before embarking on the world to change some lives. In between moving experiences and grandiose adventures, I have time for baking, and I stay caught up on all important pop-cultural references (including Jersey Shore). I perform simple acts of service (most, anonymous), and I make sure that my family knows I love them with multiple phone calls to discuss the day's events. I am usually in bed by 10:30, although I make time for spiritual matters as a perfect end to my perfect day.

Right.

In truth, I don't have anything figured out, and all of the above descriptions are a lie (with a few exceptions... I let you figure them out). I don't know how to get a date, and I certainly don't know how to let a guy know I'm interested in him without coming off like a total freak. My talents do not lie in a flirtatious smile or a winning personality, but I think I'm pretty great, regardless. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I sometimes fall for my own act, which means I'm a better actor than even I think. My idea of perfection falls somewhere among the lies and the fact that I'm lying in my bed at 2:00 in the morning thinking up random things to post on a blog. I'm not anything more than these words, but I recognize that, and I'm willing to strive for something extra, just to prove that my life can really be as great as I make it out to be.

What does your costume look like?