Rehearsals

Last night as I read a chapter from my newest favorite book, I came across a line that describes my life uncannily well.

"We live each day as if it were merely a rehearsal for the next..."

Last year at this time, there was no where I would have rather been, and I was happy living each day to its fullest. Since then, graduation and the mundane working world leave me in search of something else, and I spend my days at Bridger Elementary planning for secret rendezvouses, hypothetical situations, and that all-too familiar imagined future. I rehearse each action as if I'm just trying to get through the motions of today in order for the performance of tomorrow. Just yesterday, I played with a child outside and wondered if I'd be good mother or not.

Why am I worried about these things? There is nothing in my life right now that points to me having children within the next five years, but I still treat these sweet kids as if my own were watching me from Heaven. While I believe that my future children really do wait and anticipate having me for a mom, worrying and wondering about them does not do me any good. I need to be content with the life I have, instead of acting as if it all came down to some sort of final performance. Each day is its own. We don't get do-overs, and we certainly don't get much heads-up about the scene and line changes in the future. I'm going to use this wisdom to stop acting and just be. I'm going to stop rehearsing and live.