It's All a Facade

I know I come off as totally put together. Ha. What a joke. I'm beginning to see what a good actor I really am, especially if I've fooled you all into thinking that I know what I'm doing. I believe that RuPaul said it best when he described all of us as donning some sort of costume in order to make others believe something about us. Here's mine: a girl who wakes up at a decent hour in order to get a head start on the day. I take time to read, write, and expand my political viewpoints before embarking on the world to change some lives. In between moving experiences and grandiose adventures, I have time for baking, and I stay caught up on all important pop-cultural references (including Jersey Shore). I perform simple acts of service (most, anonymous), and I make sure that my family knows I love them with multiple phone calls to discuss the day's events. I am usually in bed by 10:30, although I make time for spiritual matters as a perfect end to my perfect day.

Right.

In truth, I don't have anything figured out, and all of the above descriptions are a lie (with a few exceptions... I let you figure them out). I don't know how to get a date, and I certainly don't know how to let a guy know I'm interested in him without coming off like a total freak. My talents do not lie in a flirtatious smile or a winning personality, but I think I'm pretty great, regardless. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I sometimes fall for my own act, which means I'm a better actor than even I think. My idea of perfection falls somewhere among the lies and the fact that I'm lying in my bed at 2:00 in the morning thinking up random things to post on a blog. I'm not anything more than these words, but I recognize that, and I'm willing to strive for something extra, just to prove that my life can really be as great as I make it out to be.

What does your costume look like?

A Post for Mr. Caulfield

As one of the first literary characters whom I grew to love, envy, even mourn for, I believe that this day would not be complete if I did not pay respect to my first crush, Holden Caulfield (in the realm of literature, that is). I believe that J.D. Salinger accomplished everything I wish to incorporate into my own writing. He gave readers the stream of consciousness narratives of young adults, perpetuating the everlasting youth of our country and our individual desires to feel something unique and apart from the whole. Holden Caulfield experienced life in a vacuum; he did things for himself, and he understood the politics of a world in which he could only change his own mind. I remember the summer when I read Catcher in the Rye. It was different than anything I'd ever read before, and yet it has stayed with me more than most novels I've read. From wandering through Central Park, to broken records saved for a sister, I know that Holden and all of Salinger's other creative characters make me the person I am.

Some great quotes from Mr. Caulfield himself:

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth." --the opening lines of Catcher in the Rye

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

"I'm sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect."

"I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life."

"It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to."

"I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."

{Rest in Peace, Mr. Salinger}

Through the Trumpeter's Tune

As I lie in my bed, letting Chris Botti serenade me to sleep, I let the soothing jazz create a memory within my mind. I love the way that music makes me nostalgic. I remember specific moments in my life with the songs that created the soundtrack to those summers, stormy nights, or train rides across the English countryside. In addition to these memories, music also has the ability to create an alternate reality for me. For instance, I know that somewhere in my future I will dance on hardwood floors with all the lights off and all the shades open (if you must know, this fantasy also takes place in a Manhattan high-rise apartment) to Michael Jackson's "Human Nature." My life's songs come in many tunes and lyrics. I find myself through unique instances of musical deja vu, and I know that I become more fully myself as I listen to the soundtrack of my life.

{Just a little snapshot of the beauty that is Chris Botti. As if his trumpeting weren't gorgeous enough.}